Lessons Learned…
Arrogance is not
Confidence
We
have muddled something up with respect to our children, whether they are our
own kids, our students, or the players on our team, and it’s probably about
time we take an honest look at what we’ve done. Beginning with the assumption
of excellent and honorable intentions fully aligning with the best interests of
the children, we adults shower the children, perhaps more likely deluge them,
with superlative accolades for each and every good action accomplished.
Although in and of itself, praise is lovely and right and affirming, but just
as with so very many aspects of our lives these days it seems we chase it to
the absolute extreme which in its overdoneness has the propensity of rendering
itself meaningless, insincere, and drippingly excessive. This overkill of
superlative accolades then hits the waves of social media and paints a bigger
than life picture and surprisingly seems to build an ego much more readily than
it builds confidence. A torrent of
glowing adjectives may impress and tickle the ears of others standing by and
in turn sharing their torrents, but in terms of building the confidence and not
the arrogance of the child we would do much better to encourage them to make
good choices and assume responsibility for their actions and their time. There is nothing superficial about confidence
as it emanates from a place deep within an individual, a place of deep trust
where he or she has learned from those significant in one’s life that his or
her ideas, thoughts, actions, plans, dreams, schemes, and solutions have value
and validity; a significant one who has listened intently and in some clear way
said yes. Confidence is strong but it is also gentle. Confidence is bold but it
is not brash. Confidence is willing to stand alone or stand up for something,
but confidence will also patiently, quietly sit without demanding because
confidence trusts and believes that its time will come. Arrogance demands and
struts and bullies because at the root of arrogance is insecurity, an
insecurity grounded in the superficiality of excessive, superlative accolades.
Words of the glowing adjective variety take no time to spew and require no
investment of time in the child for whom they are uttered, they simply float in
the air and puff up ego’s sails without reaching meaningfully in to a child’s
heart with an affirming yes. On the sports fields, in the classrooms, on the
playground, on television and all around we witness a malignant and myopic
arrogance that is disheartening, discouraging and truly represents the
antithesis of confidence. We need to speak quiet, honest, and specific
affirming truth into the ears and hearts of our children, and then intently
listen as they reveal their hopes and dreams, encouraging them to press forward
confidently, which they will then do.
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